Just Remember Laurence Fishburn Played Cowboy Curtis

We all know those people who somehow have their lives completely together. The house, the second bathroom, the six-burner range with red knobs. What is their secret? Gentle reader, I hear some of you saying “hard work and determination”, and other thinking “well that’s only surface stuff.” Yes, it’s true obviously most of them got there through effort, we also all know that guy who we’re shocked has survived this long, who sleepwalks into success. As for things being on the surface, some of us can’t even get that part right.

Before you think I’m descending into negative territory, don’t. I don’t begrudge these people anything. I get invited to their parties, and they have awesome appetizers. I just want to know how they do it. What is their secret, who did they sell their souls to, and what’s his phone number?

If you’re still reading, I’m sure you’ve often pondered the same thing. It’s not so much that the goalposts keep moving, it’s that when we start to get close, we somehow trip on our own underwear and break a kneecap. So now we have unanticipated medical expenses, and by the way, insurance no longer covers that type of injury, have a nice day.

I will admit, I’m a victim of my own brain. What do you get when you cross crippling anxiety, with absolute perfectionism, and throw in a fear of failure? Me. You get me. You also get the rest of the “hot mess friends” of the world. We’re either terrified of starting anything, because of the frequency with which we trip on our underwear (see above), or chronically self-sabotage.

I keep telling myself that one day I will find my footing in life. Until that day, I will embrace my role as the hot mess friend, keep talking about getting therapy I will never actually schedule, and take my buffet purse to my successful friends parties.

Keep that Earl Grey hot gentle readers. Until next time.