The Stars Are Ageless, Aren’t They?

Welcome back, step into into my parlor. Have a seat. I’ve been so busy writing for other people, that I haven’t had time to write for myself ( I know! People pay me for this, I’m shocked too.) So much has happened since the last time we’ve spoken. For one thing I’ve turned 40. Which is. Well. Considering what a devil’s carnival this year has already been I shouldn’t be surprised it’s been like this.

Yes, yes, “age is just a number, you’re only as old as you feel, blah, blah, blah, ad nauseum.” Until this point I’ve been extremely cavalier about turning 40. I don’t know if it’s the general anxiety attack that is 2020, some hormonal fluctuation that no one warns you about, or just a continuation of my never-ending existential crisis, but I went from feeling young and spry, to staring in the mirror considering Botox, to crying in the bathtub while singing along to Fleetwood Mac.

It hit me recently that it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to anymore. Next year I’ll be aging out of the service group that has meant so much to me, and while I can continue to be a part of it, I can’t be a part of it the same way I have been for the last 20 years. Yes of course there is the excitement of watching my kids grow and experience life, but, is that all I am anymore? Do you have kids, hit 40, and then feel your personality slip away until you’re just a bag of water filled with anecdotes? I don’t have any wisdom to share. I’ve hit a milestone birthday, and aside from the fact that I’ve managed to survive this long, and I wasn’t gifted with any mystical knowledge, I have contributed exactly nothing to humanity, and I’ve been limping for two months because I tripped over my daughter in IKEA.

Gentle reader, I am in a rut deep enough to hang posters. In addition to this early onset mid-life crisis there are thing I’ve had to put on the back burner because life likes to throw things at me. How many balls do I have in the air? I’m not sure but my dog ran off with at least two, I tripped over one, not to mention I can’t juggle. 

Yes I know it sounds like I’m having a pity party. I assure you I will deal with it, I always do. I just expected to not be…here, at 40 if that makes sense. 

Good night readers. I supposed I should go put on my night cream now. The next time we talk I will be in a much better frame of mind. I think. 

Until then, keep your Earl Grey hot, and consider starting to apply an eye cream.