Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

Welcome back! Step into my parlor. I know I’ve been away for quite some time. First life got a wee bit crazy, then the world got incredibly crazy, and here we are. I’ve been at a bit of a loss about what to write about. There are plenty of people expressing their feelings about current events, and it eventually all starts to blend together, and sound the same.  After being in lockdown for a few months, even laughing at the conspiracy theories surrounding the current pandemic starts to feel hollow. I’m certain most people are starting to feel emotional burnout. All this being said, I do feel like a few years down the line I will regret not recording some of my thoughts surrounding this state of affairs. 

My current bathroom reading is “How To Be Victorian” by Ruth Goodman. There is an extremely interesting section on disease in the Victorian age. Diphtheria, Typhoid, tuberculosis, the bizarre patent medicines used to treat them. It’s interesting to me how even in these days when “germ theory” is accepted as truth, we have incredibly educated experts, and advanced medical care, so many people resist science for the parent medicine of our times. Essential oils, homeopathic remedies, and television psychologists without a license.  Herbal remedies and essential oils do have their place. Many modern medicines are made from the effective compounds found in herbal remedies, and essential oils can create a soothing environment. A little bit of anecdata, I do find lavender oil takes the edge off my migraines. I am not at all against alternative medicine, however the sheer ability of people to ignore facts and glom on to any enigmatic fool preaching against more established and effective treatments astounds me.

I am one of those extremely lucky and privileged people who is not facing economic hardship. My biggest problem should be boredom. However, as you know if you’ve read through my posts, I suffer from anxiety disorder. All though I have been able to continue therapy, I’ve only had a few sessions so I still have no coping mechanisms to fall back on except my extremely flawed ones. Bingeing and purging is out of the question, even though I struggle daily with the urge. Not eating at all, which helps me feel in control when everything is out of control, is also not an option. So I’ve fallen into online shopping. I do not have a shopping addiction, but I do have a habit of practicing retail therapy. Fortunately I only shop sales, and I’m also petrified of being financially unstable, so I’m able to maintain a healthy balance.

You may be wondering what I have to feel anxious about, since I don’t have any financial worries. For starters I do not do well off of my routine. My routine may vary only if I have planned on it varying. I think my therapist would most likely say that has to do with control. I’m concerned for my friends that do have financial worries. I’m worried for my friends and family that are in risk groups, the ones who have been deemed essential and are at risk daily, and just worried in general. Life is currently an extended anxiety attack.

Anxieties aside, this isn’t the first pandemic we have been through, it certainly won’t be the last. Bubonic Plague, Diphtheria, Typhoid, Spanish Flu, smallpox, Polio, we’ve been here before. Around, and around it goes. Will life be changed for some people? Yes. Will we go back to normal but not a “new normal?” Most likely. The ability of the human mind to gloss over shared trauma and go to business as usual is astounding. There will be more people in the world with flawed coping mechanisms, and odd habits acquired during lockdown, but I don’t anticipate the grand restructuring of society some people seem to think will happen. In all this is one more thing that will end up a blurb in a text book. A sepia tinted nightmare for the people who lived through it, and a question on a history exam that some students will answer incorrectly. 

Until next time. May your Earl Grey be hot, and may your lockdown be stress free.