The Green Fig Tree

Today, in the interest of not coming to the melancholy end of a character in a Bronte novel, I took a step for my mental health. By a step I mean I was pushed. I made the mistake of making a bargain with someone I didn’t think would uphold their end. I forgot the person I was dealing with is the most bullheaded individual in the galaxy. When they said “I’ll take care of my physical health, if you take care of your mental health and see a counselor” how was I to know they would take up martial arts, stop drinking soda, and listen to their doctor? Gentle reader,…

We all know those people who somehow have their lives completely together. The house, the second bathroom, the six-burner range with red knobs. What is their secret? Gentle reader, I hear some of you saying “hard work and determination”, and other thinking “well that’s only surface stuff.” Yes, it’s true obviously most of them got there through effort, we also all know that guy who we’re shocked has survived this long, who sleepwalks into success. As for things being on the surface, some of us can’t even get that part right.   Before you think I’m descending into negative territory, don’t. I don’t begrudge these people anything. I get invited…

Sometimes life likes to hand us a handful of, dare I say it, crap. It’s draining, it feels like it will never end, and you feel trapped in a Lovecraftian nightmare. Inevitably in the midst all this, some overly optimistic person, who most likely has a copy of “Girl Wash Your Face” on their nightstand, will tell you that “things could be worse, just put it in perspective.” Throat punching your friends is socially unacceptable, and will most likely add to your problems. A genteel slap with an elegant glove however, is an excellent way to get their attention and express your feelings about their “advice”. There is no quicker…