The Pursuit Of Happiness Just Seems A Bore
Today, in the interest of not coming to the melancholy end of a character in a Bronte novel, I took a step for my mental health. By a step I mean I was pushed. I made the mistake of making a bargain with someone I didn’t think would uphold their end. I forgot the person I was dealing with is the most bullheaded individual in the galaxy. When they said “I’ll take care of my physical health, if you take care of your mental health and see a counselor” how was I to know they would take up martial arts, stop drinking soda, and listen to their doctor? Gentle reader, today I very reluctantly went to therapy.
I admit that lately, things may have turned a little overwhelming, and I’ve been told my coping mechanisms aren’t just flawed, they’re almost non-existent. I’ve been informed that compulsively working, forgetting to eat, randomly crying, and staying awake at night staring at the ceiling fan, aren’t healthy ways of handling stress and anxiety, and the fact that I’m already medicated for anxiety disorder makes this more concerning. To that I said “Balderdash, my mental health has never been better.”
Yet somehow I ended up there, afraid to get out of my car, and mentally cursing the person who got me to the make the appointment in the first place.. I have a hard time talking to people I’ve just met. I’m terrified they’re judging me, I’m afraid they’ll think I’m stupid. LIfe is strange, because I have still managed to get a reputation for being a perky people person. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do was to go into that building. I don’t know what I was expecting. I wasn’t expecting to feel comfortable talking, but I was. I didn’t expect to actually cry, but I did. I certainly didn’t expect to feel a tiny bit better after one session, but I do.
I suppose, gentle reader, that I did not get the raw deal I initially anticipated. I’ve always thought that therapy and counseling were for people with real problems. Apparently I have real problems. I have addressed before, that life isn’t some kind of misery olympics where we need to remember that some people have it worse than we do. Our experiences are our experiences, and our emotions are valid. I need to remember that for myself. Will I remember that? Probably not. Will I admit to my friend that they were right? Also probably not. But trust me, gentle reader, they know.
Until next time, may your Earl Grey always be hot
Gabby
A ball of anxiety trying to function like an adult. A super-fan of The Kids in The Hall, Stephen King, and oblique Sylvia Plath quotes.
3 Comments
Lynn
Thanks for sharing, Gabby. I just want to share with you that you aren’t alone. On two occasions I’ve had the need to address mental health– once by talk therapy and once through anti-anxiety medications. Both helped me be a better person, and the effects of having those issues addressed have left me in a better position years out now.
You definitely aren’t alone in your experiences, and know that your feelings are valid because they are there. You are an awesome person. Giving you much support from your Louisiana family🤗
Devin
What a great way to start this blog I can’t wait to see what you are able to do with yourself and how you grow. Congratulations on taking that first step, I would love to tell you it is the hardest but there will be harder and easier steps along your journey.
Jason
Thank you for sharing your story Gabby. And so eloquently I might add. I too, before I joinEd the military, had that realization that counseling may offer me guidance. At the time it did not seem like I obtained much, but as the years went by I got to see how much I had gained.
Then for 20 more years I thought I was fixed (LOL). Last year I started counseling again, and immediately received tremendous value. Apparently during the interim, I guess I learned to take in what was really going on and be objective. It took me 40+ years to get there. I’m glad it is not taking you this long. 🙂